


Why stony doesn't exist, even though I want it to.

by satorit1



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Metafiction, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 10:28:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12386322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satorit1/pseuds/satorit1
Summary: Compilation of head canons and questions after reading fan-fiction for 3 years.





	Why stony doesn't exist, even though I want it to.

I am very bad with visual information. Text is much better. That's why I don't watch movies, but read fan-fiction.  
Its fun to guess pieces of cannon from the most often used pieces of fan-fiction..  
"put on the suit"...etc.

I love Tony Stark - smart is sexy. (using sexualized language. I am still debating whether I am ace or not).  
I realize I am very... merit-ist(?) (judging people's worth on how smart / competent they are. I am not as smart as I want to be so I hate myself, I think competent is "sexy", I have a very dim view on how competent most professionals that I have encountered are. maybe I just encountered wrong professionals.).

If Tony Start were not as smart as he is portrayed, I would hate him. 

Charisma without heart or smarts or especially morals to back it up reads as disgusting/ terrifying to me.  
Heart without charisma, morals, or smarts is useless. Have you ever heard of "but his heart was in a right place"?  
Smarts without morals or heart is "SkyNet" or "Ultron". - AI are smart right? Jarvis had heart.  
Morals without heart or smarts are "religious dogmatic", religion without soul - "spanish inquisition" anybody?

 

I wish I was as smart as Tony Stark. I am not saying I have other 3 qualities to spare, but I put emphasis on the most important one to me.

 

I am an immigrant. I came to USA at 11 years old and i didn't speak any English.  
"stranger in a strange land" feels like a very resonating statement to me.  
I had my family. My anchor/ reason for living is my mom. I had no friends but my cousins. And i was (and still am) a misanthropic introvert.

So I can strongly emphasize with Steve Rogers - stranger in a strange land, with his anchors long gone - Bucky dead, Howling Commandos dead, Howard Stark dead... most of his chain of command probably dead too, his neighbors/ community dead... everybody is dead.  
I mean Peggy Carter is still there but she is old/ dying so....  
and he has no reason to believe in the beginning of Avengers movie that Bucky isn't dead.

I had a period of longing for good old days, and just keeping my head down so nobody bothers me in my longings. New friends / experiences were not welcome.

Does anybody remember that period in their childhoods that they realized that people around them were not decorations? That they were complex beings with their complex thoughts/ emotions/ dreams.... The huge black box of emotions that only had visible input, and what processes goes on in between to bring a fucking unpredictable output? 

I don't think Steve Rogers had mental energy to see anybody as more than decorations. He was still holding on to good old days. He was still grieving. 

He still responded to moral stimuli - be a good guy, save the world.  
That... Fighting the good fight doesn't actually require much mental processing, just respond to triggers - have you ever tried to say no to "Do you want to save animals in shelter?". "People are dying" or going to die is a moral trigger. (I mean sure, its imperative moral trigger, nobody with morals would want to get in the way of performing for it. we don't think "am I in the state to provide saving, or are there better persons for the job". And especially if its immediate fight/ flight/ die situation. then discussion of moral triggers gets thrown out until never - no time for it during, no energy for it in immediate aftermath, better things to do in less immediate aftermath. and before doesn't really happen if its sudden surprising emergency.)

So SR is still grieving. Still not seeing people as more then decorations.

Then maybe he starts moving on? I mean AoU/ WS should have probably made him go "I cant connect to people they lie/ die/ go away" So not really. I mean TS "created" Ultron without telling anybody ( I have seen reasons why that is bs and not TS's fault. I agree with them. I can see why SR wouldn't see it that way). Bruce Banner left. Pietro died. Coulson died (lies. Coulson always lives:)), Shield imploded, Fury disappeared himself from picture(no chain of command). Everything is changing. no anchors..... nobody to tell him he is wrong (maybe Natasha thinks he is a grown man,and doesn't need her to tell him he is wrong; I haven't read enough Sam to know whatever he is thinking; Tony "lied". Thor/ Bruce are unavailable.).

and then Peggy dies. and then somebody/ universe promises him his anchor back. Bucky will be back and everything will be just like "good old times".  
Everything that doesn't align with getting Bucky back goes into "its wrong/ ignore it category".  
every relationship that takes away from getting Bucky back is scraped.

and if you think that you can go to your friend and say/  
"Hey, my best friend/ reason for living brutally murdered your parents. But please don't blame him he was brainwashed by the bad guys (I think). Can you please help me find him, cure him, and we(me and my friend) will ride off into the sunset?" No talk of reparation, validation of friend's grief pain, and of course "Bucky is innocent". I am not sure SR thinks Bucky (JBB) needs a cure or not.

And then accords... - I don't see mention of him actually reading them- in the 3 days in MCU, and with Peggy Carter dying.  
But they take away from "Finding Bucky" time.  
and they ask him to trust people - after Shield Implosion.  
And they would require actual thought - where he has no time / energy for it - "Bucky needs me"/ "Peggy is dead".  
So "morality" of the accords is the catch he needs for not signing them.

This is tragedy. I don't see any decisions SR as he is written could have made any different -he is limited by his grief/ personal tragedies.  
Tony Stark has 1 tragic character flaw. He refuses to look until things are stuffed under his nose.  
Gulmira pictures. Stane betrayal. Zemo's tape. I mean SR and Natasha have found this information 3(?) years before CA:CW? when shield imploded and info leaked (BTW cannon or fannon?). If he is as smart as he is portrayed, he should have found this information if he looked for it. He had trauma. He didn't want to look.

(*)Than he is surprised in Siberia. His "friend" didn't tell him. He has PTSD (like big time). He has exposed himself and exacerbated his triggers with BARF. (from what I read, and my minimal understanding of the pseudoscience). And he is supper stressed over the accords/ division in the Avengers. (And people blaming him).

He looses it. I think its a real reaction. (like, it wasn't written in to show he was a baaaad man, just a very stressed out, poorly thinking one).

There is backslash(?) that TS shouldn't have attacked SR and JBB in Siberia. "Use your words". "Violence is not the answer". I've seen fic where JBB wakes up from crio-sleep, and he is pissed at TS for attacking him for no reason (BS. he has reasons. they are not good ones. but they are valid ones). I agree TS SHOULDN'T have attacked them. from tactical perspective ("don't show division before enemy")and emotional one ("don't' show them where it hurts"). but I don't see how he could have reacted otherwise GIVEN all the reasons is *. Something's got to give. And it was TS's ability to commiserate.

I put that SR is TS's "friend"... Have you ever thought "oh he/she is my good friend, we will share secrets and will be friends, and hang out and support each other.." and the other person is thinking "oh he/she is just coworkers/ acquaintances, we just hang out for work/ school reason sometimes". I've been on both parts of the equation. Its supper awkward and or painful. 

I think that's part of TS/SR Civil War problem? TS thought they were friends. Emotional well being of each other is important. SR though they were coworkers(?)/ soldiers? and he has other more important things to focus on ("Finding Bucky"). And TS didn't see it until Siberia. Super awkward or what?

So...... Tragedy.

PS.: Why in Marvel Civil War re-mix fics do authors choose to give TS injuries to justify that he was one of the hurt parties in this altercation??? Doesn't the fact that he is hurt enough? the PTSD? the cold? why make graphic body injuries???


End file.
